Medium Run = Ballbuster

The site of Saturday`s festivities is a landscaped quarry at the base of the mountains. Some food is laid out and the beer is flowing. The long run and ballbusters have long ago departed. Word has it the ballbusters have yet to make the first stop, due to some missing trail marks. The medium trail runners assemble for a group photo then its off on trail. After a short stroll we hit the start of the true trail. There is an immediate traffic jam as trail goes up a steep, muddy embankment into the jungle. I`m glad I brought my trail running shoes as I have a firm grip on the steep, muddy trail. Finding myself among the FRBs I slowly plod up the trail. Groups of hashers in better shape than me slowly overtake me as I climb with baby steps to conserve energy. Thursday`s trail has given me some idea of what to expect. Up and up we climb. Its as least as steep as Thursday but higher. I have to stop every 100 yards or so to rest and catch my breath. A convenient log makes for a perfect bench for an extended rest. Hashers continue to straggle past me until I hear the familiar voice of Why Not? I continue upward with Why Not? and Prozac. They are wearing soccer cleats for better traction. They have obviously done this before. I am now in a group of overweight out of shape hashers like myself. Things are sterting to get ugly. Exhausted hashers line the route upwards and there is much bitching and moaning. We are only 30 min and 1K into what is advertised as a 4K trail. Eventually I reach the top. What a relief to stop climbing. I am now alone on trail as it follows a flat ridgeline for several hundred yards and then begins a gentle descent. The jungle here is fairly benign, with no leeches, and few noxious plants. Its really beautiful up here and I feel like I`m on my own little nature hike. Shortly I catch back up with Prozac and Why Not? as we reach an old dirt road. Trail continues up the road but at a much easier grade. A group of mountain bikes overtakes us, hammering up the road in granny gear. We are now with Nurse Rachet and his girlfriend Virgin Blue. Nurse Rachet is nursing some wicked blisters he got from running the RDR in heels, vowing not to make that mistake in Kuching. We come upon the bikers resting at a bend in the road with a natural bench. Time for another sit. Chatting with the cyclists I learn that one of them is an OU graduate, I give him the hook`em sign and say OU sux. By now I have gotten my second wind and going uphill is not so painful. My internal GPS tells me we must be close to 4K by now with no end in sight. Why Not? has hashed here many times and says we still have a ways to go. The road snakes around the hill like a topo line and it seems as if we will just loop around the mountain to the start. Abruptly the road ends and the trail rises sharply. Shit! Not this again! I start upwards and after 20 yards I start to cramp in my inner thigh. WTF? I never get cramps at home and have no idea what to do other than drink more water. Luckily I have followed Prozac`s advice and brought a liter of water on trail. The cramping subsides and I continue up wards until the trail drops sharply off the side of the ridge. There is a sweeper there telling us yes this is true trail and you are 1/2 hour from the end. Thats vaguely reassuring but also disheartening as I have lost my second wind and am in danger of bonking any minute. The steep descent on muddy trails becomes almost vertical. This is getting scary. I catch up to a couple picking their way downward tree by tree. Its like rock climbing. If you`re not hanging onto a tree you are in danger of falling a long way. In some parts there are sapplings that serve as makeshift ropes. I grab one, face uphill and descend backwards.Its more like rappelling than hiking now. The sound of rushing water signals that I am approaching a waterfall. A few more rappels and I am there. YAY! I`m not going to die on the mountain! The waterfall is awesome and Itchy Shirt is there to tell us we`re on the last leg. I immerse myself completely in the cool water at the base of the falls. What the hell, I`m already soaked from head to toe in sweat. Its hard to leave but after 5 minutes I drag myself out to finish trail. A few hundred yards further and we come to a paved road in the Botanical Garden. Big Willie and his wife and daughter are there with water and 100 plus, the local GatorAde. The final 1K procedes down thru the beautifully land scaped Botanical Garden, complete with a troop of monkeys. I make it to the entrance then up a short hill to the start. Its now 6 and we started at 3. Some medium trail. I have never felt so exhausted and am severely dehydrated. I must have looked it as the local harriettes minister to me with 100 plus with salt added. I feel like a zombie. After about 20 minutes I muster the strength to go up to the rest room to change into dry clothes.
Another delicious meal is served but I can barely eat. Slowly I start to return to life. A couple of beers helps. There is a circle. People are iced. A nice slide show with musical accompaniment shows the history of the Penang Harriettes. Its very professional.A harriette does a belly dance. Much better than last nite`s. Enos does some stupid impersonations involving dunking his head in ice water and then getting bombed by ice. A local hasher plays a Hawaiian song on ukulele with 2 harriettes doing the hula. I socialise a little more but am ready for bed by 10.
I get a cab. The driver misunderstands me and takes me to the wrong hotel, several miles in the wrong direction. He then proceeds to get us stuck in a huge Saturday nite traffic jam. What should have been a 10 minute ride turns into almost an hour and then the douchebag charges me more for his time. To top it off I lose my keys in his cab and will never see them again. I enter the hotel in ill humor and want to call Heather. I change into dry shoes and spend the next hour unsuccessfully trying to make an international call. This has turned out to be a really shitty day and I crash at1.