Arrived at the venue to a total clusterfuck. No one seems to know what`s going on with the busses to the runs. The numbers on the busses doesn`t match up with the program. I finally get on a bus that has AC. I don`t really care anymore where it goes. We drive out of the city for a few miles and pull over on the side of the road. OK this is it. They give us a bottle of water and point us into the jungle. I heard some one say "Hey Wanks" Its She Mussle Bitch. Where she came from I have no idea, as I didn`t see anyone I knew at the busses. She steps into the bushes for a pee and thats the last I see of her until the end. The trail is fairly easy but really muddy. All the Aussies are big weenies and go to extreme lengths not to get their shoes muddy. The trail has bamboo laid down in the muddy patches and creek crossings on large bamboo complete with handrails. It passes thru rubber trees and chest high ferns, eventually coming near the base of a large cliff. The medium trail splits off and goes up. I had enough of that in Penang so take the short trail, which stays low. Another 30 minutes of mud and creek take us back to the road for a 10 minute walk to the end.
The end is in some one`s front yard and is a zoo. There is a huge crowd trying to do circle. I rehydrate with some 100Plus and water and buy some sticky rice packed into a pitcher plant. I check out circle just in time to be called in for being American. There are only about 12 of us, 1/2 from Texas. We sing the Marine Hymn in honor of July 4th. The Dutch get called in for their World Cup victory,then anyone in Orange(Dutch colors),then SMB for her red hair. They are gettiing desperate. 5 o`clock rolls around and its back to the busses.I return to my hotel wet and muddy. The manager is at the front door making all the hashers remove their shoes before entering. Not a bad idea but my pants are covered in mud up to the knees.
After cleaning up and changing clothes I head back to the venue. After a delicious Indian buffet and a beer I am watching hash skits. 5 chicks from the Aloha hash do a nice Hula. Some young Indian giirls do a cute traditional dance then its time for the Hammersley skit. Several guys come out with golf clubs, followed by a sexy middle aged woman in g-string, garters and little else. She dances around seductively and the golfers leave the stage. Then a guy dressed as Tiger Woods comes out with a large black inflatable golf club sticking out of his pants. Several Hammersley hashers dressed in drag swarm around him. A sheet is brought out and he goes behind it with the stripper. After much simulated sex in sillouette, Tiger comes out, his club deflated. The moral of the story is the dick always comes out limp;the pussy always wins;Power to the pussy!
A commitee member rushes to the stage. Hammersley has offended the police! Any more nudity and we will be shut down. Way to go Hammersley! Fuck those Islamo-facists!
9:30 rolls around and I leave for more futball. After the game I am out looking for bars and run into Wookie from SA and the sherrif, A young Aussie. We are tired of all the bars filled with Aussies and go in search of something new. We are soon in a rock and roll bar where our entrance is cheered by a group of hot young women!? The bar is a joke. Sherrif gets a stiff mixed drink, Wookie orders a beer but can`t get anyone to take his money and I am aparrently invisible. The staff proceeds to ignore us. A chick asks me to buy her a drink. I tell her Shit, I can`t even buy one for myself. The band starts. They suck. I tell the guys there is a bar around the corner and leave to check it out. Its really fun and normal so I run back around the corner to get the guys. They are gone and a managers sees me and says "Hey you" I say "bye" and return to the other bar. I guess they never did collect for Wookies drink.
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